Take a deep breath.
No really, expand those sissy-lungs of yours and suck in all the glory.
Now breath it ALLLLLLLLL OUT.
If what exits your mouth resembles the logo you see above…
Run for your life.
Cause I’m coming after you.
No, not really.
It’s not your fault that you birthed something so shoddy. In fact, I’m pretty convinced that there was a whole team of talented translators working around the clock on this gem after it was released in Japan. They probably worked day and night, night and day, struggling with the intricacies, nuances, and differences between English and Japanese to bring us top-notch translations that leave nothing to the imagination.
You can imagine my delight when I found myself in a new village. A beautiful waterfall flows through the town, and sitting on the edge of the river, deeply engaged in conversation with a fellow townsman stands a friendly elder man.
As I approached the good gentleman with my party following behind me I quickly became fixated with the intense look on the elder’s face. As if he’d been waiting for me.
One glance into his eyes gives one the impression that he’s seen horrors too atrocious to even imagine…yet I must know more. I reluctantly make eye-contact with the old man, and listen to his sagacious words as he shares with me his most inner, deep feelings:
Then, he silently nods, and reaching his hands down his pants, pulls out a gold bar and places it in my hands.
“Well, ok…” I think, “I can use this…”
I mean, it’s a bar of gold right? Surely one should be able to sell such a treasure for a handsome sum.
Glancing into my glossary, I see the true, sinister purpose of the elder’s pants-gold.
…you gotta be kidding.
And there you have my comprehensive experience with Capcom’s gem, Breath of Fire II.
A game soooo poorly translated…
That I love every second of it
Worth a play?
but I’ve never had so much fun laughing at a game.
They just don’t translate like this anymore.
(Thank you God.)